Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects.? They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal.?
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.?

I fear I may be going insane.? Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.